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A little story for the next time you're asked about socialization...
A little story for the next time you're asked about homeschool socialization...
In 2006, my boys were two of 108 top applicants invited to compete for ten full-tuition scholarships at Seattle Pacific University. All 108 invitees had great SAT scores. All had compelling personal stories. Between them, they had thousands of hours of community service. Indeed, there was very little - on paper - to distinguish one from the other. That is why, I suppose, SPU held a full day competition to make their decision.
When they were on campus that day, students were evaluated in all types of settings: classroom observation, panel discussions, faculty interviews, dining table conversations, and walking between classes. For eight hours, they were under a microscope. When they got back home, both boys agreed it was the most exciting and invigorating day of their lives.
Only ten full-tuition scholarships were given that year and my homeschooled kids got two of them! What made the difference? In addition to the normal stuff (GPA, SAT, community service), we were told the winners were chosen based on such things as:
- interaction with their peers
- engagement with the faculty
- self confidence
- maturity
- courtesy
- a well developed sense of who they are
In a nutshell, they were chosen based on socialization. Now isn't that the most ironic thing you've ever heard?!
Remember, we did nothing special. We were just an ordinary homeschool family struggling our way through high school. The only difference was that we taught our kids at home, independently.
Eventually, the world will recognize the superior socialization provided by homeschooling. Do not be discouraged when you are asked for the thousandth time, "what about socialization?" Just smile and tell them our story and think about stories you will be able to tell in a few years!
Do you have a favorite socialization story? I'd love to hear it!
Please Note: This post was originally published in April 2008 and has been revamped and updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Would you like to get the full story of which curriculum and books I used with my two boys through high school? Check out my Comprehensive Record Solution. It can help you put together winning records for your own high schooler!
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Comments 51
Lee, Wow! I did not know your sons went through that experience. What a great story!
When my daughter was 6yo and attending a birthday party, one of the other girls remarked, "You're homeschooled? That means you don't get to go on any field trips!" I chuckled and responded to the girl,(referring to my daughter) "Her whole life is a field trip!"
Almost every single day I get compliments at how smart and well-spoken my boys are. They are 4 and 6.
Lee,
When my oldest son was 4 or 5 he was FASCINATED by Apollo 11 and the moon landing. When I took him to the local park he would ask the other preschoolers if they wanted to play Apollo 11 and then add "You can be Neil Armstrong". He was always frustrated by their blank stares. So, when we went to our first homeschool outing and he asked a peer, "Would you like to play Apollo 11?", the other child answered, "Sure! Do you want to be Armstrong, or Aldrin?" When we left he said, "Mom, I want to come back here again!" These other children knew their history and my son was one happy boy!
I am happy to report I have two fantastic sons who were homeschooled from the start. My 21 year old graduated college in May with a bachelors and is working for a specialty pharmacy. He is probably the most social person I've ever met. My 19 year old is a college senior and is enjoying college so much that he is going to stay another year to obtain a second bachelors. They have friends of all ages and always have. They were fortunate in that they never had the mindset that they must be friends with only their peers. I remember using many of the responses posted above when asked about socialization. One point that I'd often bring up is that it was more important that they are capable of forming relationships with people of all ages - that is how it will be in the working world. Best of luck to all of you in your homeschooling adventures!
Thank you for the comments. Homeschooling is new in Ghana so we get those comments all the time.
But our children are able to socialize very well with professionals and university students as well as kids their age.
Just keep doing what you are doing folks. Your fruits will speak for themselves.
I get the socialization question EVERYWHERE and ALL THE TIME. I have finally started saying, "Aren't you supposed to go to school to learn? If so, wouldn't the better question be asking about my education? Besides, I'm socializing with you aren't I?"
I know it kind of sounds harsh but after the tenth rude comment you get sick of it
Our 17 year old son was always the object of wonder because he didn't feel "at home" at wild/fun youth events at our church. I've prayed for him for years and even at times pushed a little to get him interested in pursuing friendships with peers. He was happy with his dad, uncles and three brothers, plus whatever pets we have owned along the way. The interesting thing is the neat friendships he has developed with MANY men at our church, and that he voluntarily sought out a way to help an elderly widow in our neighborhood, "shy" as he was. He happily accepted payment in whatever soft drinks she supplied him while he worked. He has become a relied-upon technician for the worship team at our active church and quietly wins the respect of the men around him.
You know, I couldn't be more proud!
Just wanted to encourage mothers of those "strong, quiet types" to keep praying for good men to come into their lives and stop worrying about "friends". They will make a great transition into the world of men!
To Wendy,
I also have an only child who is now in 9th grade. Even though he is not as talkative as other kids he is also not shy...more of an introvert. He was in the public school system for a while & made a couple of close friends there. Honestly though most of his friends come from our church group & homeschool group. Fortunately our homeschool group has a high percentage of teens so we also have teen activities once a month plus field trips for the group interspersed. So he is actually very busy with other kids on a regular basis. Check your county for other homeschool groups besides the one you are in. A lot of them will let you participate in their extra activities even if their classes are full. Where we live we also have homeschool softball teams for those interested in sports & proms for all homeschoolers in high school. However, just because he is homeschooled doesn't mean all his activities have to come from that. My son is interested in possibly entering the military so I enrolled him in the Civil Air Patrol. He has weekly meetings with them as well as weekend activites & is also learning to fly a plane. So he is very busy socially. Our only down days are Mondays & Tuesdays which I look forward to. Plus, when my son was in school he said they didn't have time to socialize. They had 4 minutes in between classes, had to be quite in class, & had 30 minutes for lunch which left very little time for any socializing, the kind that really creates friendship. So just keep him involved in things he is interested in & since he is an outgoing child he will make not just numerous friends but quality friendships.
We don't call it homeschool because we are not at home doing homework in the evenings like public school kids are. We call it a college prep program. My daughter is at the ballet studio at least 5 days per week, while the public school kids are at home doing homework.
The first thing out of our mouths is: "It allows us to choose their association!"
We then add they are in Scouts and our church has an active youth program they attend every week. We are also a very socialable family and have friends over a lot and associate with neighbors and friends regularly.
Not to brag...well, yes to brag, we receive complements almost daily on how great and how well behaved our boys are. AND they are TEENS!
In answer to the socilization question: "Aren't you concerned about their socialization?" a fellow homeschooler offered, "Yes we are, that's why we homeschool."
I used to get this question more often, and I say with emotion, "Oh, yes! It is so much better! What a relief."
If the inquiry was from a negative person, they'll leave, scratching their head, thinking about it. If from a well meaning person, they might ask about it more. It honestly is one of the reasons that we homeschool. I get pretty worn down from homeschooling but this is the reason I wouldn't put the kids in school
I love this article. I am a former paraprofessional from the school in our neighborhood. I resigned 6 years ago to homeschool our children and I get bugged all the time about the socialization aspect of my childrens' education. My favorite story relating to this topic is when I was one a field trip with our homeschooling group. A few teenage girls were talking about how it annoys them for people to question them about the socializtion factor. One girl said that one time some one asked her how they made friends and she said, "I do it just like you do. I smile and say hello." I thought that was great!
Aloha Lee,
This is an excellent example of children whose parents care enough about them to take responsibility for their development in every area. Who better knows each child's weakness and how to strengthen it and each child's strength and how to engage it than the child's parents?
Our family owns and operates a honey business in Hawaii producing premium kiawe honey that sells in upscale markets. Our children have learned how to socialize in these arenas. When buyers from Japan come for business meetings, our whole family (four children 8, 10, 13, & 17) attend. We are constantly being told what smart and wonderful children we have. This is besides the fact that they are behind in Math and one struggles with reading. We have involved them in our business since we began 7 years ago.
We are often called to remove bees from between walls or some other unwanted place from a number of interesting places on our island. We take the children with us, leaving the younger ones to keep themselves entertained. They have never had to resort to their own activities since there is always someone to talk to. We are constantly hearing from the people who hire us how much they learned from our little children. I don't believe it has to do with us or our smart children as much as it does with how we allow them to socialize by living every day just like they will when they are grown and on their own.
We are blessed to have the privilege of homeschooling our children!
That is awesome! I am sharing that story on Facebook for all parents who get asked that question, just like I do. Thanks for sharing it with us! =)
My "unsocialized" 12-year-old son has a dear friend at church who is NINETY years old. He sits with "Mamaw" and her 63-year-old daughter. Mamaw told me recently that "if he were older, he wouldn't be single any more". Then she laughed and said, "Well, he'd have to be a LOT older, wouldn't he?" ROFLOL!
But, never fear that he is only able to socialize with the older ladies. There's a 12-year-old girl who visits sometimes. When she does, he sits with her so that she won't feel alone.
He also has a 9-year old friend that only comes occasionally. On those occasions, he usually sits with him!
My 7-year-old is generally rather reserved. But, we've recently noticed that he is engaging folks in conversation more than ever before. During a recent church work day, he was hanging out with the preacher's son (31) and they were having quite the conversation. Thing is, they weren't talking about "kid stuff". Our 7-year-old was having a grown up conversation!
Great story! Thank you for sharing it. I am amazed at how people are always asking that question, however the next thing they usually say is, "Your children are so polite and well-behaved!" I think the REAL question is 'How do they make friends with other kids?' Which seems a much more reasonable question for those who can't think outside of the box!
Hi Dee!
Here is my article about math:
http://www.thehomescholar.com/love-of-math.php
My son chose Saxon in high school. It was sort of against my will
Here is my article about record keeping:
http://www.thehomescholar.com/cubbies-tubbies-and-binder-queens.php
I hope that helps!
Blessings,
Lee
@ Shannon. I think I would of reminded the "lady" at church that God has called you to homeschool and she was out of line in addition to being statistically incorrect.
I also love this article. What an encouragement. Lee, you mentioned that you used Sonlight for all your schooling except for Math. Care to share what you use for Math? In addition, do you have any suggestions on the best ways to keep records. I am thrilled that my husband sent me this article. CONGRATS!
Thank you so much for sharing this post. I ran into a really nasty person (at church, no less) regarding this exact matter. She attacked me for how I was basically setting my children up to fail once they entered college because they would not know how to interact with people in such a large setting if I homeschooled them throughout high school.
I needed to read this today!